Raison D'etre
by DreamNin
Summary: Loving you is the reason for my existence. KakaSaku


This is sort of my apology for the long 2 month wait for chapter 4 of Bleed For Me. Which by the way will be out in a few days tops. So yeah here ya go. This is a song fic using the song _The Reason_ by Hoobastank. And no it has no correlation to BFM. So don't worry. Oh and just in case you didn't know the title is French meaning "reason for existing".

**Raison D'être**

Blue-sandaled feet walked down a dusty street making a rhythm that might have been calming. That is, if the owner of said feet had been listening. Lost in his own thoughts, he paced forward through the desolate street in the early hours of the morning, oblivious to all else around him.

"_Kakashi, why are you always late?" Sakura asked hands on her hips. Taking in the sight of her reddening face and mesmerizing jade eyes that only seemed to burn brighter when she was angry, Kakashi's eye creased. "Because I love knowing that no matter how late I am, you'll always be here waiting for me." Anger forgotten, she embarrassedly looked at the ground, the redness in her face turned into a blush that he found all the more endearing._

**I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know**

_He was hurting inside. Sakura could see it in his eyes. After all the years of silence, he had finally opened up to her and told her about his former team. It explained a lot about the person he was now. A person who she desperately wanted to help. Figuring it was now or never, she spoke softly to him. "You know, they say you can never begin to heal unless you forgive yourself first." He looked at her like she was crazy. "How can I forgive myself? It was my fault they're dead." He said angrily, but not at her. "That's not true. And if they're anything like how you said they were, I know that they wouldn't blame you either. They wouldn't want you to live like this, blaming yourself, not able to move on. They would want you to be happy. Just as I do." And looking into her warm face, he began to believe that maybe, with Sakura's help, he could. _

**I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you**

Turning the corner to walk into the thick growth of trees that was Konoha's forest, he sighed, grey eyes as clouded over as the sky. He had been in this same despondent state for weeks now and he wasn't getting any better. His mind wouldn't let him.

"_Sasuke will never like you! No matter what you do or how hard you try! When are you gonna figure that out?!?!" he yelled at the girl cowering in the corner, horrible sobs already wracking her body. She looked up at him with such pain in her eyes, he was immediately ashamed of himself. "Oh Sakura, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I just-," he tried apologizing but was cut off. When she spoke it was in a voice of sad acceptance. "No, you're right. And I've known that for years now, but it just hurts so much more when you say what I've been trying to deny myself." He looked about helplessly and held her close as she continued to cry into his shirt. Her heart had been broken and to see her like this made it feel like his had been too. _

**I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear**

"_Listen to me Sakura. No matter how much you don't think so, you're beautiful. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You're strong and smart and kind-hearted. Any guy who doesn't see that in you doesn't deserve to have your love. And that… is a fact." Kakashi told the trembling young woman before him. She looked up at him no longer with failure in her eyes, but with hope. "Do you really mean that?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper. Reaching down to stroke the side of her tear-stained face, he said "Every word." And for the first time in months, she smiled again._

**I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you**

He stopped suddenly upon coming upon a tree. He felt the carved bark under his fingertips as he lightly traced over it. He stared blankly at the tree in front of him. Their tree.

"_Come on Kakashi! Please?" she begged from her position in his lap, sitting with her back against his chest. She had been asking him for the past hour. "Fine! Just don't make me do it." He caved closing his eyes again to go back to his nap. With a triumphant Yes, she turned slightly so she was facing him and got up on her knees. She began to carved something into the tree he was leaning on. After a few moments, the scratching stopped and the warmth where Sakura's body had been left suddenly. "All done!" she proclaimed proudly. "Look!" Cracking open one eye, he turned to see what she had carved on the tree right above his head. He laughed sheepishly as Sakura smirked at him._

_HK+HS _

_(his second love… after Icha Icha)_

**And the reason is you**

He remembered her saying that she didn't mind being second. So long as she was the first woman in his life. He would have smiled then, if he had remembered how to.

"_Kakashi! Wake up! Oh please wake up! Don't leave me…" a familiar voice cried out piteously. He opened his eyes slowly to see the terrified, weary face of his lover. "Thank God," she whispered smiling softly and passed out on his chest . Looking around he saw the cave where she had dragged him as well as Naruto and Sasuke. Both of them were laid out on grass beds as he was, bandaged and healed. She must have stayed up all night… By the entrance were the dead corpses of the ninja who had been pursuing them. Each with chakra-laced fist-sized hole punched through them. Looking down at the woman currently sleeping on him, he tucked a stray piece of rosette-colored hair behind her ear. Her face looked so peaceful. "When did you get so strong?" He asked himself quietly. _

**And the reason is you**

"_I win," she said suddenly. Of all the things that Kakashi had expected her to say after he removed his mask for the first time in front of her, especially since it had been because he had kissed her, it was not that. "What do you mean 'you win'?" he asked genuinely confused. She laughed a bit then. "Well, when we were all still just genin, Naruto, Sasuke and I made a little bet about what was really under your mask. Naruto bet on fish-lips and Sasuke bet beaver teeth. Hah! They were both wrong!" she exclaimed. Noticing how she avoided talking about herself, he prodded, "and you?" "Huh? Me what?" she tried to play dumb. "What did you bet was under my mask?" She blushed here and looked down at her feet. "I uh, well I bet that under your mask it would be… perfect," she looked up at him then. "So, I win." He couldn't help the laugh that escaped his mouth just then. And when Sakura saw him smile for the first time, she smiled too._

**And the reason is you**

He continued to walk through the trees heading toward a frequently visited clearing. The closer he got though, the darker the memories got.

_He was pacing his apartment, making sure that everything was perfect. The candles were lit, the dinner was ready and he had rehearsed what he was going to say until it was engrained in his memory. Though he looked calm on the outside, inside he was excited. Sakura was finally coming back. After her 3 month mission to aid in a medical facility abroad, she was coming back today. Any minute now she would walk through that door and she would finally be where she belonged. At home and in his arms. He fiddled with the little trinket in his hand. A knock came at the door, and before the knocking had even stopped, Kakashi had thrown open the door. "Welcome home Sa-," he stopped abruptly at the sight before him. not only was it not Sakura at the door, as it was Naruto and Sasuke, but they both looked so weary, like something had drained them of all their chakra. "Naruto? Sasuke? What's wrong?" he asked. Naruto looked up at him then with such a look of sadness on his face, that Kakashi suddenly feared the answer. The blonde man opened his mouth slowly as though he too didn't want to say the answer, but it came out anyway. "Sakura's dead." And in that moment, Kakashi's world collapsed. The two young men could only look on in horror as their once strong, emotionless sensei fell to pieces before them. Silent tears streamed down his face and the thing he had been holding fell to the floor. But he paid no attention to the little golden diamond ring that hit the floor, because now, there was no longer a Sakura to even wear it._

**I'm not a perfect person  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know**

The trees thinned out and eventually stopped completely. Walking forward slowly to the middle of the clearing, he stopped in front of the dark, stone memorial. Kneeling down, he placed the now-useless golden ring on the base. Looking up at the newly placed named on the stone, he reached out almost to touch it, but stopped. If he touched it, it would be like accepting that it was really there. He drew his hand back.

Standing back up, he pulled something out of his pocket. It was a letter from Sakura. It had come a few days after the day Naruto and Sasuke showed up on his doorstep. Apparently she had sent it before she…

Finally opening it, he carefully read through every word as though it was the last thing tying him to her. Coming to the end of the letter, he crumpled it up, face emotionless. Dropping the ruined paper, he knelt down and pulled out a kunai. Pressing it against the smooth face of the memorial, right below his lover's name, he carved out two words. A single tear rolled down his cheek and disappeared into his mask. Standing up again, he smiled sadly at the stone one last time. Turning around completely, he walked away from it and never looked back.

**I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you**

Unbeknownst to him, two others had been watching him hidden among the trees. Jumping down from their perches, after they were sure he was gone, Naruto and Sasuke walked up to the memorial. They both looked at the freshly engraved name in the stone, but didn't understand. Neither said anything as Sasuke picked up the crumpled paper from the ground that Kakashi had left behind. He quickly scanned over it and absorbed the information held within with his dark eyes. It all made sense now. Wordlessly, he handed it over to Naruto so he could read it too. Sasuke stared at the dewy grass beneath his feet. He knew Naruto was done reading the letter when he heard him start to cry. Glancing at him slightly, Sasuke couldn't even bring himself to tell him to stop because it was all he could just to keep the tears welling up in his eyes from spilling over too.

**I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
**

_My dearest Kakashi,_

_It seems like I've been gone forever doesn't it? It's hard to believe that it's only been 3 months. 3 long months without you. I just want you to know that not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I hope you're thinking about me too._

_The hospital here is up and running and everything went even better that expected. The head medic here even gave me some of their most important medical scrolls to add to our library there in Konoha. I can't wait to read them. You know how I get around medical scrolls. But I would wait forever if it meant I could be there with you right now. _

_I have some other news too. I know how pessimistic you can be sometimes, but don't worry; it's wonderful news. During my time here, I was feeling a little under the weather so the head medic here decided to take a look at me personally. And well, it seems that… I'm pregnant. Isn't that wonderful? She said it was a baby boy. I'm just so happy that I couldn't wait to tell you. We always talked about starting our own little family, and well, now we can. I was so happy in fact that I already named it. Remember the name you said you liked if it was a boy? Well, that's it. I knew that's what you would have wanted. And what you want, I want too. I miss you so much, but I'll be home soon. I love you._

_Love Always,_

_Sakura_

**A reason for all that I do**

Sasuke looked up at the dark, cloudy sky as it started to rain. Though the rain hid his tears, he couldn't deny that he too was crying. He just couldn't understand this. What had those two ever done that had been so bad? They didn't deserve this. No one did. To have Sakura taken from him, Sasuke couldn't even imagine how Kakashi must feel. Sakura had been his entire life. In many ways the same was true for Naruto and himself too. She had always been there for them. She had helped them when they were down. No matter how much she teased him and called him an idiot, she had always believed in Naruto. When he himself had been struggling against his darker side, she pulled him back. And when Kakashi was near suicidal after the years of loss, she gave him a purpose again. She gave him someone to love. And became someone who loved him in return. He traced his thumb over the name in the stone as Naruto watched with eyes still red with tears.

_Hatake Obito_

Yes, they had all changed for the better. They had gotten stronger but at the cost of her own life. She had always said she would die for them if it meant keeping their dreams alive. And because she had, all of them we're still here, able to live out their lives and pursue their dreams.

**And the reason is you**


End file.
